The debate of the century began with a pretence of cordiality at Hofstra University and ended with a few gloves-off zingers from both candidates
Hillary Clinton called Donald Trump to order on Monday night in probably the most watched and certainly the weirdest and wildest presidential debate in American history. She demanded explanations over his tax returns, his treatment of workers, his temperament as the man with his finger on the nuclear trigger. As he ducked and dived with incoherent excuses, she stared at him with thinly veiled contempt.
Then, right at the end, like a long-suffering, frosty school principal, she decided to expel the ranting, sniffling, whining 70-year-old schoolboy who had not done his homework.
Trump had said she did not have the stamina to be president. Icy and deadly, Clinton replied: Well, as soon as he travels to 112 countries and negotiates a peace deal, a ceasefire, a release of dissidents, an opening of new opportunities in nations around the world or even spends 11 hours testifying in front of a congressional committee, he can talk to me about stamina.
Elsewhere, the first female candidate to participate in a US presidential debate pointed to the Republican nominees past derogatory comments toward women, invoking Alicia Machado, a beauty pageant contestant he had called Ms Piggy and Ms Housekeeping. Clinton said: Donald, she has a name.
This was not the courtly jousting of Kennedy v Nixon in 1960 although Clinton constantly addressed her opponent as Donald. How are you, Donald? she asked when they first shook hands. Donald, its good to be with you, she said. And then, as the mood quickly soured: Ive met a lot of people who were stiffed by you and your businesses, Donald.
Trump nearly always called his Democratic rival Secretary Clinton. At the outset he checked: Is that OK? I want you to be very happy. But the politeness very quickly faded as he interrupted, heckled, rolled his eyes and tried to throw the authority figure off her game with lies. She missed some opportunities to capitalise as she stared at him with thinly veiled contempt.
The debate of the century at Hofstra University on Long Island, New York, began with Clinton and Trump striding out on a deep blue stage with white stars and a giant seal: the American eagle with an olive branch, a bunch of arrows and the words: The union and the constitution forever.
The nation that brought you Batman v Superman and Captain America v Iron Man held its breath for Mrs Know It All v Mr Know Nothing.
Clinton said the central question of the election is what kind of country the US wanted to be: Today is my granddaughters second birthday, so I think about this a lot. Trump, the former host of The Apprentice, narrowed his eyes, tightened his mouth and stared at the camera, as if trying to plant in the audiences mind the familiar phrase: Youre fired.
But the gloves soon came off. Trump gripped both sides of the lectern, his face grew angry, his voice rose aggressively. There were a series of bitter exchanges that showed the genuine animosity between the two and made for the guilty pleasure of compelling television.
Clinton said Trump had rooted for the housing crisis so he could make money. He couldnt resist interjecting: Thats called business, by the way.
The Republicans best moment came over trade, his strongest suit in the election campaign. Clinton parried: I think my husband did a pretty good job in the 1990s. I think a lot about what worked and how we can make it work again
Trump barged in: Well, he approved Nafta.
Tension mounted as the candidates talked over each other, making prime ministers questions in Britain look positively tame.
Trump repeated: He approved Nafta, which is the single worst trade deal ever approved in this country.
Trump claimed that Clinton supported the Trans Pacific Partnership with Asia then changed her mind. But she shot back with a line that could sum up the entire election for the celebrity businessman: Well, Donald, I know you live in your own reality.
Much of the night felt like that. As if to prove the point, Trump told Clinton later: Youve been fighting Isis your entire adult life.
Even Clinton hardly knew how to respond to that one. Thats a thats go to the please, fact-checkers, get to work.
Later Clinton mused: I have a feeling that by the end of this evening, Im going to be blamed for everything thats ever happened.
Why not? asked Trump.
Why not? responded Clinton. Yeah, why not?
The pair also tangled over Trumps tax returns. Clinton was cutting: Youve got to ask yourself, why wont he release his tax returns? And I think there may be a couple of reasons. First, maybe hes not as rich as he says he is. Second, maybe hes not as charitable as he claims to be. Third, we dont know all of his business dealings, she said, adding that he may not have paid any income tax.
Trump lobbed in: That makes me smart.
Had the class clown just admitted on live television, before a global audience of tens of millions, that he has not in fact paid income tax? Clinton squandered the opportunity to pin him down on it.
He offered to release his tax returns if she released her deleted emails, branding her handling of sensitive information disgraceful. But even much-criticized NBC presenter Matt Lauer, in the recent commander-in-chief forum between the two, had spent longer on the email issue than Trump managed.
There was, finally, a more substantial section on race relations. Trump boasted of his travels to speak to African American voters, telling Clinton: Youve seen me, Ive been all over the place. You decided to stay home and thats OK.
But Clinton had a zinger up her sleeve: I think Donald just criticised me for preparing for this debate. And yes, I did. And you know what else I prepared for? I prepared to be president. And I think thats a good thing.
Trump was asked about his crusade to sow doubts over Barack Obamas birthplace. He flunked the test and this was the turning point in the debate. I say nothing because I was able to get him to produce [his birth certificate]. He should have produced it a long time before. I say nothing.
On national security and foreign policy, he was all over the place. Resurrecting one of the best lines from her convention speech, Clinton said: A man who could be provoked with a tweet should not have his finger anywhere near the button.
Trump replied: That line is getting a little bit old.
Clinton came back: Its a good one, though. Well describes the problem.
Then, in the bottom of the final round, came the knockout punch over sexism and stamina. It was over. Despite the bad blood, the debate of the century ended as it began, with a handshake and Trump twice patting Clinton on the back. Later he told a TV interviewer that he had shown heroic self-restraint in not mentioning Bill Clintons past infidelities out of respect for their daughter Chelsea. So yes, it could have been more childish still.