In today’s installment of hating on Kylie Jenner, I just learned that the
professional thirst trap lipstick mogul got a Maybach for her 19th birthday. That’s right, Tyga gave Kylie a Maybach for her 19th birthday. Wait, why does this feel familiar? Didn’t he give her a Ferrari for her 18th birthday? And didn’t she like, promptly crash it into a tree or something? You would think he would have learned from his girlfriend’s mistakes, but then again, Tyga’s not exactly known for being a Rhodes Scholar.
Personally, I’m just very curious how Tyga has all this money to keep buying Kylie luxury sportscars. I did some very serious research and his last album came out in 2013. Two-thousand-fucking-thirteen. To put that into perspective, in 2013 everybody had an iPhone 5, Miley Cyrus did the twerk seen round the world, and we all thought the Harlem Shake was a good idea. In other words, 2013 was a long fucking time ago. How is this dude still making Maybach money off an album that came out 3 years ago?
Also according to Heavy.com, Tyga’s worth a cool $2 million. Again, I would like to ask: HOW?! Does he make money for appearing on ? Is Kris giving him hush money so that he doesn’t reveal whatever publicity scheme she’s got in the works? This just isn’t adding up. But if Tyga is worth $2 million, I think I’m more than justified in asking for a small raise from my employer.
Also this is just your casual regular reminder that Kylie Jenner is still a teenager, and she is still way hotter than you can ever hope to be. Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s silicone.